White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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