They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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