Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
