I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
