He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
