Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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