Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
