Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My feet surprised me
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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