Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
