Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
