I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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