On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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