I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
