We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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