I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
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