well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
