I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
