if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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