And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
