So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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