dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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