The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Randomize
