so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
