This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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