last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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