i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
