I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
