I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize