it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize