The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
