I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
