saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
