i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize