Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
