You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
