Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
