It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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