3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I hate all girls vehemently.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
You smell like a Billy Joel song
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
