he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
