ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
