just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
my being single is dangerous.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
