I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
