happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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