meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
