Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
