State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
