people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
