Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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