The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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