I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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