Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
