so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
