hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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