I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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