he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize