His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
