so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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