my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
