I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
