I got chris browned last night
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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