I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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