I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize