Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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