can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
