It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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