My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize