I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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