I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just had sex on a roof
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
