Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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